CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Thursday, November 15, 2007

IN MEMORY OF KAYLA AND ASHLEY- HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Seventeen years have passed yet sometimes it seems like yesterday. They say that time heals all wounds. I don't believe that. I know that time softens the wounds,but never fully heals. The scar always remains.

Kayla Nicole and Ashley Elizabeth were brought into this world on Nov. 15th, 1990. Kayla was the first to come weighing in at 16 ounces. She was immediately returned back into the arms of God. Ashley followed next at 12.75 ounces. She then joined her sister in HIS embrace.
I was 20 years old and had a very difficult pregnancy. I was always in pain and my body began to swell. My pregnant belly began to grow much to rapidly. The doctors attributed this to having twins. They were wrong. I had massive polyhydramnios. They tried to drain some of my fluid. They gave me an option to kill one baby and MAYBE the other would live. Honestly, there was a little part of me that considered this. I knew one was a girl and I so desperately wanted a daughter. Of course we decided against this. After a month of medical testing and consults from out of state doctors, there was nothing left to do.
My labor began. I can still hear the tiny heartbeats on the monitor. I can still hear the gushing sound as my water broke a nearly flooded the room. I can still hear the silence in the room as they did not cry.
I remained in the hospital for many weeks to follow. I was allowed to leave for the funeral but had to return. I endured so much ( I will tell more later). The day I returned home Billy who was then 4 asked me where the babies were. I just started to cry. He never asked again.
** I remember one day sitting on my front porch and looking up toward heaven. I needed peace but could not find it. I cried out from the depths of my soul "Why, God why!" I was always taught not to question God, not to ask why. But this single word question burned in my throat, ached my heart and soaked my face with tears. After all these years, I still do not know why-but I do know this--
Had it not been for Kayla and Ashley's death I would not have had the blessing of giving birth to Aaron. Aaron who I held and never let go when he was born. Aaron who swells my chest with pride. Aaron who is at the top of his class, a gifted and talented child.
I also would not have had the blessing of giving birth to Austin. Austin who came into this world tiny and frail. Austin who is growing to be the most kind and caring human. Austin who would give you the shirt off his back or his last dollar.
These are the greatest blessings I have received admist all the pain in suffering of losing the girls.

Dear Kayla and Ashley,
Happy Birthday! This would be the year that you would graduate high school. I can't image what you would look like in your caps and gowns. I can't image how much fun we would have had picking out your prom dresses. Would you pick the same one or be totally different? I miss you so much and still cry every year on your birthday. I wish I could just hold you for one more minute. I know you must be very happy now in the arms of Jesus and I can not wait until the day that I get to see you again.
Love, Mom
mom0f4boysandtwingirls! :)

Here is a poem I wrote all those years ago
GOD PLANTED A NEW FLOWER TODAY
TWO ROSE BUDS READY TO BLOOM
THEY WERE SO SOFT AND DELICATE
BUT THEN HE DECIDED IT WAS TOO SOON
HE TOOK THEM BACK TO HEAVEN TO GROW
HE KNEW THEY NEEDED HIS TOUCH
SO WHY, OH WHY I WONDER
DOES ALL THIS HURT SO MUCH?
I KNOW THEY ARE HAPPY NOW
AND ARE WAITING FOR ME WHEN I DIE
DEAR KAYLA AND ASHELY PLEASE KNOW I LOVE YOU
AND THIS IS NOT OUR FINAL GOODBYE.

Thanks for joining me for a memory of my precious daughters. Please visit tomorrow for my Show and Tell with Kelli http://kellishouse.blogspot.com/ I will be showing some very special items related to the girls.

7 comments:

Crystal said...

Oh Sondra,
I don't know what words to say. Thank you for sharing this even though it's such a hard thing.
Your love for you angle babies shines through-out this whole post!
In His love,
Crystal

Our Red House said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Such an enormous event for you to have to cope with at only 20.

Happy 17th birthday, sweet angel babies.

And hugs to you, Sondra,

Kate

Brenda said...

Oh Sondra..my heart is breaking and tears falling. I hope as I feel this pain it relieves some of yours.
God bless you and your family at this time.

Sharon said...

Oh Sondra,

This is just so, so sad. I am so sorry that you lost your two beautiful little baby girls. I really don't know what to say except that I am sorry and I am thankful that you know you will see them again in heaven. I am so thankful that God blessed you with Aaron and Austin and that you have Billy and Wesley. I wish I could hug you right now.

May God bless you so much! Love Sharon

PEA said...

Dear Sondra, my heart goes out to you and I truly understand what you're going through because I also have a little angel in heaven...maybe he's playing games with your daughters:-) I've often asked God WHY but I guess He had his reasons. I was 8 months pregnant when I suddenly went into labour...Jesse was born breach and it was a dry birth...he only lived for 2 hours. It was found out that he had Potter's Syndrome which at that time there were only 2 known cases of it in Canada. He's buried with my dad so I know that they're taking care of each other:-) Happy Birthday to your precious angels. xox

Mary said...

Sondra,

I do hope that Pea is right and that your little girls are playing in heaven with her little one. One day you will be reunited with your girls and the necklace that Billy gave you is a real treasure. I keep you in my prayers.

Blessings,
Mary

Kelli said...

Dear Sondra,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. How very sad, I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet babies.
(((hugs)))
Kelli