Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Those words were put in my title for a reason. I wanted to be able to blog about important real things that happen in our lives. That has ended up being a difficult thing to do. I have met so many wonderful people and have been able to take a peek into your lives. Eveyone seems to have such a 'normal' drama free life! Of course I do know that we all deal with difficult issues. So, here is a peek into my REAL life.
Friday around 5:30 I recieved a phone call from my sister. She was at work and someone had called her and told her that they were watching the news and saw a story about two guys robbing a store and shooting at a witness. She said they had named my oldest son Billy. My heart sunk and I began to shake inside. I quickly turned on the news and began to search the story online. I kept telling myself that I had just seen Billy several hours ago at work. Surely this did not all happen in the past hour. Then it hit me. It had to be his dad-my exhusband. They both have the same name. I grabbed the phone and called the detention center. I gave her the name and she said, "Yes, he is here." I asked her to please tell me his birthday. When she did a wave of relief came over me. It was not my son. Thank God. But then the real emotions set in. I have to tell my boys what their father was involved in (he was not the shooter) . Of course this would not be the first time they would have to learn the hard truth. My exhusband does have a history of drug and alcohol problems and has been in some minor trouble with the law. The first thing I did is drive to Billy (my son's) house and hug his neck. He was a little upset that we would even consider the fact that it was him. He said he is not that stupid. Then the most critical and painful thing I had to do was to tell Aaron. Aaron and his dad are very close. Very! My heart was breaking for him. He had not really talked about it much in the past few days and is having a hard time with this. I know that his dad will get out on bond and I REFUSE to let the kids go to visit him. I was not aware that he had sunk back into his drug problem and I feel terrible that I had even been letting them visit him. I have changed Aaron's phone number and have let the schools know that he cannot pick them up. I know this is dangerous ground that I am treading on. I know when he finds out that I am keeping his kids from him that he will retaliate. I know the degree of his anger and wrath. Once again I will walk on egg shells and constantly look over my shoulder. I am greatly struggling with all these emotions. It is so difficult to open up this part of my life to all of you. But this is our real life. And although I have been divorced for 12 years I am never free of this man or the repercussions of what he does in his life. It will always affect my kids which in turn affects me. I hope my children take this as a learning lesson for life. When you get involved in drugs and alcohol and you do not choose the right friends something bad can and WILL happen.
Please pray for my boys and mostly Aaron as we deal with this.
Thank you :)


Anonymous said...

Sondra, I am so sorry. We've had relatives on both sides into drugs, and it totally changed their personalities. There was just no reasoning with them. One nephew-in-law stooped so low as to sneak into our nearly deaf mother in law's house -- widowed and on a limited income -- to steal money from her.

I will pray for the Lord's intervention in your ex-husband's life.

Barbara H. @ Barbara H. @ Stray Thoughts

Sharon said...


I am so sad to hear what you have been struggling with. May God bless you and give you peace about this situation. How terribly hard to have to tell your sons that their father did something like this. I am thankful that you are not married to him anymore. I will pray that Aarron will be able to deal with this and lean on the Lord through it. Oh Sondra, this must be very hard for you. My heart goes out to you. I will also pray that your ex will leave the boys alone. Oh Lord, please intervein in as only You can.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

Love & Hugs, Sharon

Laura said...

Praying for your family and especially the boys. Also praying you have peace from the Father and He calms your spirit. May you see His protection and His goodness in this.

Frogdancer said...

Oh boy. Ex husbands. No matter who they are, they can be the biggest pains in the neck, but your one seems to be a doozie. As someone above said, just thank God you had the brains to get out of the marriage when you did, and please look after yourself.

Drugs are the biggest evil in the world today, and I fear for the kids who are growing up in a world awash with the stuff. Take care and walk gracefully on those eggshells. Cyber hugs from Australia.

Anonymous said...

I will pray, I came from Sharon's blog.

Many blessings.

Kelly said...

I too have come from Sharons blog and will pray for every one of you, including your ex husband. May God give you the strength you need to get thru this!


Feathering My Nest said...

Dear Sondra, You are in my prayers. I'm lifting you up right now and of course your boys. I will pray all of your protection. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am glad you shared this so all of us can be praying for you. I thought my little problem with my six year old's whining was a big problem. It is nothing to what you are going through. "Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you." Much prayer and hugs, Kathi

Anonymous said...

Im so sorry.. sharon had told us you needed prayer. My cable has been down and tonight It came back on. Your family is in my prayers.

nannykim said...

hi--I have been praying for you and will further pray on this. Love , nannykim

Tanya said...

You are right, sometimes I forget what others are going through. I will definitly pray for you and your sons. It is so hard to protect your children, especially when the one you have to protect them from is their father. But you have strength and fight, you will be able to look back at this and know you really were not alone. And your sons will be upset for now, but in the long run appreciate what you did. God bless you and we are praying here in Iowa for you and your family. Tanya

Daughter of the King said...

praying for protection for you and yours....and for the Lord to REALLY get a hold of your ex's life...heart....and most of all for peace in your storm.

first time here, I think

jennifer said...

Oh Sondra, what the heck is normal? We all have 'STUFF', everyone of us. If we say we don't, we can be judged a liar.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am the most sorry for the fear I hear in the words you write. Fear for the hearts of your sons and fear what this man may do. I am just so sorry.
Let me tell you a little of the normalcy in my family: About two years ago, my husband's brother was involved in an accident that left a man dead. He was driving drunk. His vehicle wasn't the one that hit the man, but he caused another person to hit him. Actually, one man was killed on the scene and another was badly hurt. He is in jail right now awaiting his trial. He almost dodged the bullet and had this case dropped, except he got another DUI. He almost lost his life approx. 4 years ago in another drunk driving accident. The thing is, he loves the Lord. Some may scoff at this and that is fine, but he wants to live right. For some reason he can't get sober.
I talked to him last night over the phone. He sounded better, more clear, than he has in years. So his jail time has already been a blessing.
I tell you all this to say that maybe what the boys dad goes through, as for as paying for his actions, will, in the long run, be best for all of you. It is an honor to pray for you and your family. God can do great things Sondra! Just abide in Him to get the peace you need over this. Love you dear...Jennifer

Kimmie said...

HI Sondra;

Oh, I am so sorry. I am so glad that you shared, so that we can truly cover you in prayer and tell you indeed we all have "stuff."

I have been praying hard for you all week, now I will refocus some of that time into the specifics you shared.

Honestly, I wish I could give you a big hug and invite you over for a cup of tea.

mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted

Anonymous said...


I am so, so sorry that all these hard things are happening to you. I hope and pray that life will look up for you again soon.



SweetAnnee said...

Sondra..I am praying for you. I often wonder why father's can't do right when their actions affect their children. Tis a sickness and self centered too.

I hope your children will be sheltered by God's love and that you will have some peace soon.

All families have are not alone, you are just honest!!

The peace of Christ be with you.. Let Him hold you close, LOVE in Him..Deena

jennifer said...

Hi Sondra. I wanted to stop by and send a little LOVE your way on V'day. Keeping you in my prayers...Jen

Sharon said...


Farah stopped by my blog and said she wanted to leave you a comment, but she doesn't have a google account. She wanted me to tell you that she is praying for you.

I hope you had a good Valentine's day.

Love & hugs, Sharon

Julieann said...

Oh!! ((Sondra)) I am so very sorry you have this on your plate!!! I am glad you shared this with me, you have my prayers!


Crystal said...

I'm sorry I didn't read all of this sooner sweetie. I'm so sorry! I know family drama too, but tend not to post it on my blog as it just causes me more issues, but I'd e-mail with you about such things if you need a listening and understanding heart.

I'm praying for you and your boys, and safety for all of you. I think you are doing the right things by your boys! In time Aaron will understand I think... Especially if he starts to see things from the view of his brothers.

Thank you so much for such an honest post. I know posting these kinds of things are hard. I just hope from where I am I can be the kind of friend you need with all of this.